Behold! The Future Of Pizza!
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “I really wish to convey to anyone who visits me that I have, in fact, more money than sense…but, uhm, I don’t want to spend too much money doing that.” Fortunately, there is a way, and that way is Skymall. While virtually any item will do, this is FoodGear, and so, we will discuss the Pizza Pro, a handy device which cuts, and serves, pizza. And…uhm…well, while I’m not 100% sure, it looks like that all it’s good for. Granted, a standard pizza knife isn’t good for much besides cutting pizza, but it’s also a lot cheaper. On the plus side, the narrow wedge help keep pizza slices small — if you overdo it, the slice will slip off and end up on the floor, making your dog happy and serving as a pointed lesson in the futility of greed. I think some Greek king is sitting in Hades with this right now, futilely trying to cut a slice of pizza that doesn’t spill into the River Styx before he can eat it. Or something. On the negative side, this is nigh-useless for “Chicago Style” square pizzas, while the classic knife still works fine. At twenty bucks, this is much less expensive than most Skymall items, so if you eat a lot of pizza which is always round, and you are satisfied with what I, personally, consider to be far too small a slice, you might wish to check it out. (By the way, did you notice the pizza pictured is some sort of hoity-toity West Coast upper-class pizza with whole tomato slices and what the heck is that green stuff? Cilantro? You can tell the people who designed this thing never expected it to be used on a some Brooklyn-bought pizza covered with high-fat sausage composed of dubious animal parts, dripping with enough orange grease to lube an aircraft carrier, and damn now I’m getting hungry…)
